How?

Life after you left

 has been nothing but heart wrenching pain

 yet the earth still rotates 

How could it?

They’re all living

They smile and laugh 

They get up in the mornings 

They dance and sing

How could they?

I lay in bed all day

I don’t smile and laugh

I can’t leave my bed

I don’t dance

I sing sad songs

How could they not? 

You don’t smile and laugh

You don’t have a bed 

You can’t dance 

You can’t sing sad songs with me

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I Remember 

I remember it clearly

It haunts me

I couldn’t sleep for weeks

Nightmares consumed my whole being

I remember as if it were yesterday 

Ah, yes the vivid imagery 

It’s now the reason I fear sleeping in the dark

I fear closing my eyes

It isn’t you I’m afraid of my dear

I fear my weakness 

I fear of drowning in the emotions I know all too well

I remember it clearly

My dear its humorous though

My memory has always been the worst

But I remember it clearly 

Wake Me Up

Wake me up when it all ends
When the cuts have healed
Wake me up when I’m not bleeding
And the temptation to give into this addiction is nothing but a memory
Wake me up when it no longer hurts
When the thought of you doesn’t make me break
Wake me up when ropes aren’t my enemy
And my lungs aren’t struggling harder than me to breathe
Wake me up when my finger isn’t on the trigger
And instead holding yours
Wake me up when my prayers have been delivered
And I’m no longer holding onto a thin and breakable thread
Wake me up when this nightmare ends
When I can finally see more than dark skies
Wake me up when I can see again
Before and after this storm
Wake me up before I drown
For grief has consumed me whole and shaken me to the bones..

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Our Prayer

2/15/13
My words may be unto unheard ears.
And my tears may be shared.
Together hand and hand we hold on tight, gripping onto false reality.
Blue eyes, a silly laugh, a beautiful woman, Gods perfect creation.
Destroyed by mankind, dying of sickness.
We still hold on,
Gripping onto hope instead of God, He will save us and save the Angel beside me.
Because in my eyes she is an Angel,
Silly laugh, blue eyes,
Once filled with life.
God I call out to you,
Not for myself but for the dear life that lies before me.
In unheard words she calls out to you the only way she knows!
Sentences are no longer a part of her!
She is one of your children,
She followed the footsteps you gave her, now she’s here on the verge of disintegrating into thin air!
But I trust in you just as she did.
I pray and call out to you Oh great Lord of mine save this woman from her suffering and heal her like you have healed me of my sinful wounds.
Lord I cry out to you for her, I am the words, the sentences, the prayers she can not utter out!
I am her cries for help, I am, I am, I am Lord together we call out to you!
Lord oh Lord
I know of your power!
I know of your goodness!
Cleanse her from head to toe, she knows of your presence and she awaits to join you in your kingdom. No longer suffering, walking, praising, and singing of your goodness. In your kingdom where her blue eyes shine and her laugh can bring joy all around.
Heal her if not for me but for herself!
And before her final breath she’ll call out to you, hallelujah on her tongue. And in that time may you give us the strength we’ll need, for all we need is to trust in you and in your hand do I know that I’ll be fine without my Queen until its my turn to called on by you my Lord. So I pray to you my Lord the only way I know, poetry..