This Feeling

This feeling is like I have a million things I want to shout to the world but I can not fathom them into comprehendible words. It’s like I’m being ripped apart with every single breathe that leaves my body. It’s like being trapped in a dark cave where the sun never comes up. This feeling is like no matter how many showers I take I still can’t wash away the smell of perpetual disappointment. This feeling is like the intangible desire to grasp each grain of sand. This feeling is breathing in the flames of hell instead of oxygen. It’s that feeling where it hurts so bad that you go numb yet the ache is still shaking you to the bone so this feeling becomes you, it consumes you in a bubble and all you can do is wait for it to burst with the overflowing tears of a lonely child.

What about my rights?!

I always suspected that he wasn’t my “real dad”, but it hurt when she confirmed it. I get angry and depressed most days, I feel broken and abandoned by a man I’ve never known and a man that I looked up to. I shall admit though that I’ve said harsh things because I can’t manage my anger probably. Yet, why can’t I be angry? Why do I get introuble for saying the truth? “He isn’t my real dad!” It’s the truth.. It isn’t nice but was it nice when you lied to me my whole life? I can’t trust anyone.. I can’t feel and I’ve subcomed to sharing these feeling with a stranger. What have I become?! I haven’t gone to school and I don’t want to go. Where is my right to feel? Please someone tell me what am I suppose to do? How should I be feeling? Someone please..



To Feel or Not To Feel?

I wasn’t ready
The bomb hit hard
My heart stopped
My breathe caught
Time seemed frozen
My life slipped through my fingers
I was numb
I craved life
My lungs ached for air
I wanted to feel
It was like drowning in knee deep water
Out in the ocean
Alone and afraid
A second attack
My heart raced
I still couldn’t breath
Time was idly mocked me
Pain consumed me
I craved enteral rest
My lungs burned
I wanted peace
Still drowning in an ocean
Only knees deep
Alone and afraid

Wake Me Up

Wake me up when it all ends
When the cuts have healed
Wake me up when I’m not bleeding
And the temptation to give into this addiction is nothing but a memory
Wake me up when it no longer hurts
When the thought of you doesn’t make me break
Wake me up when ropes aren’t my enemy
And my lungs aren’t struggling harder than me to breathe
Wake me up when my finger isn’t on the trigger
And instead holding yours
Wake me up when my prayers have been delivered
And I’m no longer holding onto a thin and breakable thread
Wake me up when this nightmare ends
When I can finally see more than dark skies
Wake me up when I can see again
Before and after this storm
Wake me up before I drown
For grief has consumed me whole and shaken me to the bones..

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