This feeling is like I have a million things I want to shout to the world but I can not fathom them into comprehendible words. It’s like I’m being ripped apart with every single breathe that leaves my body. It’s like being trapped in a dark cave where the sun never comes up. This feeling is like no matter how many showers I take I still can’t wash away the smell of perpetual disappointment. This feeling is like the intangible desire to grasp each grain of sand. This feeling is breathing in the flames of hell instead of oxygen. It’s that feeling where it hurts so bad that you go numb yet the ache is still shaking you to the bone so this feeling becomes you, it consumes you in a bubble and all you can do is wait for it to burst with the overflowing tears of a lonely child.
I always suspected that he wasn’t my “real dad”, but it hurt when she confirmed it. I get angry and depressed most days, I feel broken and abandoned by a man I’ve never known and a man that I looked up to. I shall admit though that I’ve said harsh things because I can’t manage my anger probably. Yet, why can’t I be angry? Why do I get introuble for saying the truth? “He isn’t my real dad!” It’s the truth.. It isn’t nice but was it nice when you lied to me my whole life? I can’t trust anyone.. I can’t feel and I’ve subcomed to sharing these feeling with a stranger. What have I become?! I haven’t gone to school and I don’t want to go. Where is my right to feel? Please someone tell me what am I suppose to do? How should I be feeling? Someone please..